Three years ago was my last blog. Life has been busy, but through blogging I learned that writing helped me run. Recently I decided to start on a new journey, one that seems radical and irrational to most, but to me is a challenge of Sorts. I have decided to run an Ultra-marathon. I hope hoping by blogging my journey it will keep me motivated, so follow along if you want, but this is a no strings attached kind of relationship. Stay tuned…
No wonder we are fat!
I haven’t blogged in a while just due to juggling a lot of responsibilities. I am still plugging along, slower than anticipated, but still moving forward. I have decided to really focus on clean eating and meal prepping this coming year. With that in mind, here comes my reason for this blog, eating well is becoming outrageous. Living in a small town limits options and at times raises cost. I went to a big box retailer today and my total bill was 217 dollars. Now given our family doesn’t eat terribly unhealthy as a general rule, but the decision to make clean eating a priority has put more fresh fruits and veggies in the cart. Choosing limited processed foods increased the bill by almost 80 dollars!!! No wonder America is such an obese nation! Families can’t financially afford a clean diet, however their bodies can’t afford not to eat clean. It is frustrating, and seems like as a human you take a penalty for to trying to make your body function optimally. Living off the grid and practicing sustainability is starting to look better everyday!
I haven’t fallen off the wagon
I haven’t fallen off the wagon, but I have not blogged in a while. Life as always is crazy. This will be a quick blog because there is not much to say. I have signed up for a half marathon to run in December. It is a cheesy run but I know it will be a blast! I ran 8 miles in Friday, it was a definitely one of those runs that you need. One thing that I have found out is that when women run they talk, and often times it is entertaining, and educational. Often times women running together is like therapy. Long runs are perfect to chat because we have an hour and lot to vent, so we laugh, and sometimes very become educated about random life topics. I often look forward to girl talk, and I suppose that is all I should say about that. Girly running groups are a lot like Vegas. 😉 I have decided I really need to work on my core. My back needs to get stronger, and I need to slim down my midsection. Not much has changed about running other than that. I just wanted to check in for a hot moment to update. My quote theme today is honesty so I will leave you with this:
Tomorrow is a big day (for Colton)
You have been warned this is about my son and my reflections and explanations for those who want to read. This post has absolutely nothing to do with running, except for running to the car, flying down to Charlotte to hopefully consult with a physician that will take the time to listen and look at the whole story, instead of being the south bound end of a north bound mule.
So the precursor: My son, well my youngest son, Colton was born with a variety of birth issues that at first glance you would not be able to appreciate. It has been a long road and the majority of his issues are at stasis right now. However, there is one issue that continues to be a problem, his hearing on the left side is terrible. Two years ago we finally got a umbrella diagnosis of Hemifacial Microsomia, which is very minor, this is after the ruling out of Cerebral Palsy (though we are told he could have minor CP due to birth situations and the dystocia we encountered at birth due to his 10 pound frame at 35 weeks) , and some other rare disorder that I have now forgotten. Colton has been diagnosed with Bilateral Kidney reflux, which thankfully he is growing out of, we went through 3 years of aspiration precautions and several rounds of aspiration pneumonia, which he now has learned to protect his airway. We have facial nerve damage which caused some issues, and he had low tone which he worked hard to correct, though he is completely accident prone. We (well Colton) have gone through rounds of speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, and countless procedures to improve his functioning. I have fought extremely hard to not give him a blanket diagnosis because his functioning capacity is almost equal to that of his peers, and he is intellectually above average. Watching him now the only difference is hearing. I have never wanted him treated differently and he is not. This brings me back to the issue at hand his hearing. We (the family) have always noticed that Colton did not respond like Connor and Caeleigh, he did not startle and did not get scared at loud noises, however he passed his newborn screening test. We made several trips to the Otolaryngologist and we were told tubes were in order. The first and second sets showed no improvment, so we switched from Brenner to UNC-Chapel Hills pediatric department. The news was granulomas behind his ears, and those were surgically removed and tubes were placed and an ABR was done to assess his hearing under anesthesia, the results showed a slight deficit but that could be from the granulomas. We started modifying the way we interacted with him, though we had always done some signing with him as a baby, we relied on those signs, as well as making sure he was looking at us when we talked and modified our tone and voice. We have been on this road for 5 years, and each time another physician wants to place more tubes and do more surgical approaches, each time the percentage being less than a 50% success rate. To me the risk of anesthesia out weigh a 30% success rate. I have researched and spent countless hours finding peer reviewed articles to show these physicians. I am not ignorant, however I do not have M.D at the end of my name, which means often times a pissing match ensues. Children with Hemifacial Microsomia have hearing loss and they have visual loss. I have never been able to get past the egos because he was showing only hearing loss, until now. Last week Colton had an appointment at his regular pediatrician and he had visual loss. Fortunately, or unfortunately now he has two factors that will support my fight against him have facial nerve involvement being the root cause for his loss. I have come to the realization that more surgeries are creating more scarring of his ears, and he doesn’t have infections nor anything that points to being bacterial. I am okay with having a child with hearing aids and at this point that is what we are pushing for, and for the first time I have a pediatrician, his normal provider that has seen him for 3 years is on board. If hearing aids are the worst thing we are dealing with, life isn’t bad at all. There are many children that have far worse issues and who have a ten fold harder road to walk. I am sure tomorrow will be a battle and I have my research in hand to present like I always do, yes I am that pain in the ass, however it is a small fight for the greater good in the grand scheme of things. I am sure any parent would fight hard for their child, and I am just blessed enough to be educated enough to pull such facts and know the procedure. So tomorrow is the day. Always educate yourself and question, ask questions, don’t be afraid because what you don’t know can hurt you. I am optimistic for tomorrow appointment. If you made it this far thanks for reading
reflections **language warning**
I am sure you have all seen my barrage of posts and photos from the Women’s half this weekend in Nashville. Well this post is more of notes to self and reflections for the next half. A) I have caught the bug and I am ready for another half! B) Train harder and do a hell of a lot of hill work!!! and C) start dieting harder. After about two hours post race I felt great. I took a little cat nap and I was ready to go. Prior to this race I had been dealing with nausea after running and I finally found the perfect combo. I run fasting and it works for me. I use the GU chews and not the gel, and then one thing that helped a ton this time was at mile 9 I took three salt packets the race volunteers were handing out and poured them in. The salt stopped the cramping. I also took advantage of all but the first water stations plus I carried water. When I finished I had a granola bar and some OJ and I was gravy! The hills (hills of hell) of Nashville were not something that I had thought about. I was worried yes but I felt prepared. Nowhere close. I know where to focus my training. Also I have decided to cross train by biking more. I need a stronger core too so planks (curse you) here I come. One thing that I am amazed at?! My feet, they felt awesome, no pain, except my toe nails! My big toe nails hurt, and are bruised. I wore my compression sleeves and socks and wore my Hokas (my moon shoes) and I was impressed with the fact that my feet never crossed my mind while running! On to the C). I saw the photos of my running and lets just say I will not buy a single one! I am a big girl and honestly my photos scare me, they are not flattering and do nothing for the self esteem. Imagine looking at the hulk meets chunk from the Goonies and you will have a good mental image of what I look like running. I have not been the best at making good meal choices but I want to be lighter for the next half, so I plan on journal-ling my food choices. Not a problem for most people but a real challenge for me. I am so self-aware of my weight it consumes me. Society is so focused on outer beauty, forget that personalities are ugly, right? As long as we are beautiful we can be a bunch of assholes. So my newest challenge to myself has been set. Lose the weight fatass! In all seriousness I am proud that I did the race, I set a goal and I accomplished it, which is more motivation. My advice is be the person you want to be, and don’t let anyone dull your spark, if a person doesn’t appreciate you and see you for what you are, then they have no point in your life. Also don’t let your mind limit your life, push the limits!
Getting ready to leave
Here it is 2000 on Thursday and I am getting ready to get the kids in bed. I get my snuggles and loves and tell my babies how much I love them and I will miss them and it happened… Caeleigh broke down in tears and said “but I will miss you mommy.” Tears immediately hit my eyes. As I fought them back, I tried to calm her by saying it will be like spending the night with papaw and mamaw for the weekend, and with those big ole alligator tears she said “but it isn’t the same you are MY mommy”. Now I have a big ole case of mommy guilt. I know she knows I am running and she had said over the past days how much she wants me to do well, but she doesn’t want me to go. As for the boys, Colton is excited I get to stay in a hotel, and Connor thinks it is cool I am going To Nashville. I have promised to FaceTime and call them often, but I miss my babies already and I haven’t even left. I am leaving at 0500 headed west. I am excited, yet scared as hell. What if I fail? All I can do is the best I can, hopefully it will be enough. I am doing this race for me, but also for my kids to show them that hard work and perseverance pays off. To show them that they can achieve their dreams! That the sky is the limit. Here goes nothing…
There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask, “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?
~Ernest Hemingway
1 week
Well it is T-minus 7 days till I leave for Nashville and I already have butterflies when I think about it. There are many reasons for these nerves. See when you are in shape and fit social anxiety is really not an issue. I mean lets face it non fat people pick out and sports bra and a pair of running shorts and go. Well me on the other hand I have to find something comfortable and than hides the “mommy belly”. I have almost come to except the fact that since I delivered a bunch of linebackers that I am never going to have a 6 packs unless it is a 6 pack of beer. Any-who so I have been trying to find the one outfit that is comfortable and flattering, and losing the battle. If one is flattering it rubs in all the wrong places, and if it is comfortable I look frumpy. Yes I know I should be focusing on running, however I am a woman and as much as I usually look like all I have is athletic gear, I still want to look “cute”. (yeah something like that!) Secondly I am worried about how flat the route is going to be, and if I am going to forget that Nashville is an hour behind. Am I going to oversleep? Then there is the question of what do I when it is over. I would like to say I have a million things I want to do and see but I am not really sure where to start! As for the running part I am doing my last big run Sunday morning. This will be the first time I set out to do 13, I need to see how I am pacing myself. Right now up to 8-10 I am averaging 11-12:30 minutes splits, however that is with very little elevation change. I have found myself thinking to myself what the hell have I signed up for. I keep saying you have 4 hours, but then the competitiveness comes out and I have this internal struggle where my competitive side says run fatty run! So pretty much that is all I am a ball of nerves.
A good day to blog
It has been a little over a week since I have posted. Ridgell life has been hectic as we are all in school and now fall soccer has started. We are balancing practices, homework, and work. Also let’s not forget running. The unfortunate thing about running is that it takes time, and naturally the more I run the less time I have to accomplish other tasks. Running however is a necessary “evil” for me. I need the release, and the time with my own thoughts, if not the life of others around me may not be as pleasant :). With this said I have extreme mommy guilt and it is a stress that I have been dealing with for a long as I have been working out. I want to run and I want to spend time with my babies. My quandary is that I want my children to see the importance of persistence, hard work, and physical fitness; however not at the price that they feel they are being neglected by their mom. I try to spend every minute possible with them and make our time special. I hope that I am succeeding in this venture.
I have run just a little over 40 miles the last two weeks with two 10 milers a few 8 milers, and a few scattered 6 and 5 mile runs. The last two runs have been different as I finally received my new shoes, and these shoes are supposed to be the holy grail of shoes and the end all be all to my arch and leg problems. I finally broke down and lost all my vanity and bought the Hoka One One Stinson trails. I was certain prior to actually receiving them that once I wore these shoes that I was destined for the retirement home, as the pictures circulating gave them a orthopedic walker shoe feel. I must say now that I have them in hand they aren’t quite as hideous as I imagined. They are more futuristic and less geriatric than I originally thought. As for the feel they remind me of what my perception of what walking on the moon would be like. They are supportive yet bouncy but not in a negative way. The sole has thicker padding which absorbs the shock so my feet feel amazing after the run. The only negative that can say about them is that my calves are having to adjust to the difference in having to work harder so they burn throughout the first half of the run. Yesterday the burn didn’t last as long so I am assuming once I have conditioned my legs to the shoes the burning will no longer be an issue. One issue down, and on to another one that I have always struggled with. Self body loathing. I have never been a fan of my body, and I can always find a flaw. Did you know that the top of one of my ear lobes folds more than the other? Did you know the gap between my teeth is fairly new as a result of a work injury? The gap seriously reminds me of the Monty Python scene (the killer rabbit one). Did you realize a have a huge scar down my leg? What about the fact that I have a less than flat stomach? I also have broad manly shoulders! I figured I would point out what I dislike about myself because I know most people have a list themselves. When or how do we start learning to embrace these “imperfections”? We must learn to love ourselves which is hard to do and it must be a conscious effort not to let our imperfections control us. The truth is that often out friends and significant others, even our children love us despite what we hate about ourselves. So I guess my point to this is that we all have our ” list” but often times the only person it bothers is ourselves. If you have people in your life that treat you negatively or use your “list” against you then change that, and drop them from your life like a bad habit. Find those you lift you up and point out your awesomeness! We (at least myself) are our own worst enemy, and we all deserve to be surrounded by those people who makes us feel amazing and beautiful. We need to reject those who dull our flame! I often get accused of caring too much or being too tender hearted but the truth is I am genuine. I want people to feel loved and appreciated because I know what it feels like to be on the other side. I may act hard and calculated at times but my heart is always in the right place. Be sure you think about what you say, be empowering in your words and not spiteful. Beyond the physical beauty always make sure your heart is in the right place, because physical beauty fades and nothing is more ugly than bad intentions and a cold heart!
Sunday Sound-offs…
Happy Sunday! So I successfully made it through my work week. A few hours of sleep today and I am on the up and up. 8 hours of sleep out of 60 hours isn’t bad! So just a few lines of catching up since my last post. I ran 10 miles this week which was a big step forward. I feel like now the goal I have set for the September half is totally obtainable. This weekend I worked both Friday and Saturday nights. I successfully completed them with a lot of work, even more laughter, and a huge lesson learned about appreciating those people who support you the most. So now that I have finished my week, today is a recharge day in order to try to get my internal clock reset. Tomorrow my plan is to run another 10, and maybe up it by a mile. we shall see.
So first the down and dirty about my progress towards fitness. This past Friday I found my ultimate nemesis, the stairs on the side of stone mountain. They were grueling and slow and at times I was sure they were going to prevail, however I managed to muster enough leg power to make it to the summit. I had great friends to laugh and joke with, as well as take a few breaks with, along the way . There is to be nothing better when you are feeling defeated to laugh and joke with your friends about the daily routine of life, poking fun of ourselves, maybe a spouse, or even the fact that two of the three of us could not manage to refrain from tripping over our own two feet. Least we not forgot the task of running and making plans of grandeur.. We managed to push out a little over 5 miles that day, though I am sure none of us could have slated that as our “best effort”, we indeed got a workout, and threefold the laughs!
So here comes the part where I am going change avenues now and vent my thoughts: (surprise)
We are so busy in life that we often neglect and take the people in our lives for granted. Let me tell you, the people that fight to be part of your life are the ones you should embrace and not push away because obviously they have a vested interested in the person that you are and have chosen to accept you despite yourself. Lets think about this, people make an effort follow your life and continue to care about your despite the fact that you have days where you are a complete asshat, or days where you are completely volatile, or even embrace you when you have reached your accomplishments, or even support you when you need a little extra push; those are the people that should not have to fight for a spot. People who simply to exist in your life and are merely objects in the horizon are those you need to think about. What is their purpose, and should you spend your energy on transients? On the opposite of this, are we showing each other that support and compassion that we are longing for or striving to get? We must come to the realization that at some point if we neglect those who care about us then eventually we will be standing alone wondering where we went wrong . We need to surround ourselves with people that are passionate about the person we are. Often times we only scratch the surface of our friends. It is important to know what makes each of us tick, and what our passions are. The problem with the world today is a lack of passion, not only for ourselves but also each other. Imagine if we set each others passions a blaze. The possibilities are endless of what we could accomplish. We should strive to surround ourselves with those that fan the spark. So these people we take for granted, one day they will stop caring, they will stop supporting and we will be left with the shadow of what used to be. People can only take so much before their investment is just simply not worth the risk. I am grateful to have a great group of friends, ones that will listen to my stupid stories, or text me just because they were thinking about me because of a random song or saw something random that reminded them of me, and of course vice versa. These times are good for the soul, and if you are thinking about someone that is reason enough to make them a priority in your life, of course unless those thoughts are toxic, but that is a different blog for a different day!!! 🙂 There is never enough love in this world and showing someone love does not make a person weak but rather shows a hell of a lot of strength, and says a lot about character. I will end with the pic below:
I found this quote on Pinterest and thought it was pretty relative to the blog.
k. 
Insert witty title here!
Well this week has started off with a bang, kind of. Today has been the first day I didn’t want to chop my feet off from arch pain. I do have a plan to fix that problem so stay tuned. 🙂 So my week. Monday was the first day of clinical which meant I got all dolled up in my marshmallow suit and my super cool all white danskos( these are shoes). For those of you are unfamiliar with nursing school, mainly the uniform, the outfit consists of white tapered leg and elastic waist pants that hit you just about even with your armpits, And a cool zippered smock with a collar in the color white and a zipper that stops just above my belly button. So along with the white shirt and pants come, you guessed it, white shoes. So here in comes my danskos. These shoes are not flexible and are super painful when you have painful arches. Monday I was sore and I had painful feet so I am sure I was a sight! Here is how I imagined it and why…So me being the amazon that I am plus being donned head to toe in white, my mind immediately flashes to the scene in Ghost Busters and let’s quote this one
It’s It’s It’s the stay puft marshmallow man
ALL I am missing is the sailors hat, but have no fear my bun proudly sits on my head! Now I know this is a bit satirical but seriously I feel a bit poofy in the uniform. With all that said I love taking care of people, it is a passion of mine. I love learning about individuals and where they came from and I love being able to help restore their lives and hopefully nourish them to an excellent outcome. Usually I come away with the life growing moments. So anyway, my week…The two big kids made it through their first day successfully. Connor and I had a date to watch Liverpool play Manchester City, it was a match that was less than stellar, not even sure Liverpool even showed up. We spent most of the game screaming at the television ( as if the team could hear us). After a few melts downs everyone was fast asleep. So today was a better day. I had class in the AM and once the kids were out of school we went to the park with a friend for some “soccer practice”. The kids had fun, and I also accidentally punched my oldest in the shoulder going head to head or as he calls it, “1 v 1”! So basically what happened was he schooled me and I tried to stop him by grabbing his shirt and he swirled around and instead of making contact with his back I caught a shoulder. Clearly he didn’t feel it but I decided I am a little too old a slow and I need someone my own speed, like my 4 year old! We got along nicely as his full out run is about equal to my jog! We all had a blast, and came home to homework and dinner, and some snuggles. A good way to round out the day!
So with that said here is my thoughts to ponder, and I always have something brewing in my mind to ponder! Take time to learn about people, understand who they are and where they come from. Listen to them. I feel like we go through life so fast we lose sight of what is important. We say lots of things but do we ever really trust those words? Take time to prove to those you care about that you aren’t too busy for them, and they are a priority. Take note and make those who make YOU a priority an important part of your life! After all aren’t we happiest when we feel fulfillment? What better feeling in life is to love and be shown love, and to return it tenfold. So I will end with Oscar Wilde:
You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or their fancy car but, but because they sing a song only you can hear
gobiggirlgo 