A good day to blog

It has been a little over a week since I have posted. Ridgell life has been hectic as we are all in school and now fall soccer has started. We are balancing practices, homework, and work. Also let’s not forget running. The unfortunate thing about running is that it takes time, and naturally the more I run the less time I have to accomplish other tasks. Running however is a necessary “evil” for me. I need the release, and the time with my own thoughts, if not the life of others around me may not be as pleasant :). With this said I have extreme mommy guilt and it is a stress that I have been dealing with for a long as I have been working out. I want to run and I want to spend time with my babies. My quandary is that I want my children to see the importance of persistence, hard work, and physical fitness; however not at the price that they feel they are being neglected by their mom. I try to spend every minute possible with them and make our time special. I hope that I am succeeding in this venture.
I have run just a little over 40 miles the last two weeks with two 10 milers a few 8 milers, and a few scattered 6 and 5 mile runs. The last two runs have been different as I finally received my new shoes, and these shoes are supposed to be the holy grail of shoes and the end all be all to my arch and leg problems. I finally broke down and lost all my vanity and bought the Hoka One One Stinson trails. I was certain prior to actually receiving them that once I wore these shoes that I was destined for the retirement home, as the pictures circulating gave them a orthopedic walker shoe feel. I must say now that I have them in hand they aren’t quite as hideous as I imagined. They are more futuristic and less geriatric than I originally thought. As for the feel they remind me of what my perception of what walking on the moon would be like. They are supportive yet bouncy but not in a negative way. The sole has thicker padding which absorbs the shock so my feet feel amazing after the run. The only negative that can say about them is that my calves are having to adjust to the difference in having to work harder so they burn throughout the first half of the run. Yesterday the burn didn’t last as long so I am assuming once I have conditioned my legs to the shoes the burning will no longer be an issue. One issue down, and on to another one that I have always struggled with. Self body loathing. I have never been a fan of my body, and I can always find a flaw. Did you know that the top of one of my ear lobes folds more than the other? Did you know the gap between my teeth is fairly new as a result of a work injury? The gap seriously reminds me of the Monty Python scene (the killer rabbit one). Did you realize a have a huge scar down my leg? What about the fact that I have a less than flat stomach? I also have broad manly shoulders! I figured I would point out what I dislike about myself because I know most people have a list themselves. When or how do we start learning to embrace these “imperfections”? We must learn to love ourselves which is hard to do and it must be a conscious effort not to let our imperfections control us. The truth is that often out friends and significant others, even our children love us despite what we hate about ourselves. So I guess my point to this is that we all have our ” list” but often times the only person it bothers is ourselves. If you have people in your life that treat you negatively or use your “list” against you then change that, and drop them from your life like a bad habit. Find those you lift you up and point out your awesomeness! We (at least myself) are our own worst enemy, and we all deserve to be surrounded by those people who makes us feel amazing and beautiful. We need to reject those who dull our flame! I often get accused of caring too much or being too tender hearted but the truth is I am genuine. I want people to feel loved and appreciated because I know what it feels like to be on the other side. I may act hard and calculated at times but my heart is always in the right place. Be sure you think about what you say, be empowering in your words and not spiteful. Beyond the physical beauty always make sure your heart is in the right place, because physical beauty fades and nothing is more ugly than bad intentions and a cold heart!