I am sure you have all seen my barrage of posts and photos from the Women’s half this weekend in Nashville. Well this post is more of notes to self and reflections for the next half. A) I have caught the bug and I am ready for another half! B) Train harder and do a hell of a lot of hill work!!! and C) start dieting harder. After about two hours post race I felt great. I took a little cat nap and I was ready to go. Prior to this race I had been dealing with nausea after running and I finally found the perfect combo. I run fasting and it works for me. I use the GU chews and not the gel, and then one thing that helped a ton this time was at mile 9 I took three salt packets the race volunteers were handing out and poured them in. The salt stopped the cramping. I also took advantage of all but the first water stations plus I carried water. When I finished I had a granola bar and some OJ and I was gravy! The hills (hills of hell) of Nashville were not something that I had thought about. I was worried yes but I felt prepared. Nowhere close. I know where to focus my training. Also I have decided to cross train by biking more. I need a stronger core too so planks (curse you) here I come. One thing that I am amazed at?! My feet, they felt awesome, no pain, except my toe nails! My big toe nails hurt, and are bruised. I wore my compression sleeves and socks and wore my Hokas (my moon shoes) and I was impressed with the fact that my feet never crossed my mind while running! On to the C). I saw the photos of my running and lets just say I will not buy a single one! I am a big girl and honestly my photos scare me, they are not flattering and do nothing for the self esteem. Imagine looking at the hulk meets chunk from the Goonies and you will have a good mental image of what I look like running. I have not been the best at making good meal choices but I want to be lighter for the next half, so I plan on journal-ling my food choices. Not a problem for most people but a real challenge for me. I am so self-aware of my weight it consumes me. Society is so focused on outer beauty, forget that personalities are ugly, right? As long as we are beautiful we can be a bunch of assholes. So my newest challenge to myself has been set. Lose the weight fatass! In all seriousness I am proud that I did the race, I set a goal and I accomplished it, which is more motivation. My advice is be the person you want to be, and don’t let anyone dull your spark, if a person doesn’t appreciate you and see you for what you are, then they have no point in your life. Also don’t let your mind limit your life, push the limits!
Month: September 2014
Getting ready to leave
Here it is 2000 on Thursday and I am getting ready to get the kids in bed. I get my snuggles and loves and tell my babies how much I love them and I will miss them and it happened… Caeleigh broke down in tears and said “but I will miss you mommy.” Tears immediately hit my eyes. As I fought them back, I tried to calm her by saying it will be like spending the night with papaw and mamaw for the weekend, and with those big ole alligator tears she said “but it isn’t the same you are MY mommy”. Now I have a big ole case of mommy guilt. I know she knows I am running and she had said over the past days how much she wants me to do well, but she doesn’t want me to go. As for the boys, Colton is excited I get to stay in a hotel, and Connor thinks it is cool I am going To Nashville. I have promised to FaceTime and call them often, but I miss my babies already and I haven’t even left. I am leaving at 0500 headed west. I am excited, yet scared as hell. What if I fail? All I can do is the best I can, hopefully it will be enough. I am doing this race for me, but also for my kids to show them that hard work and perseverance pays off. To show them that they can achieve their dreams! That the sky is the limit. Here goes nothing…
There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask, “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?
~Ernest Hemingway
1 week
Well it is T-minus 7 days till I leave for Nashville and I already have butterflies when I think about it. There are many reasons for these nerves. See when you are in shape and fit social anxiety is really not an issue. I mean lets face it non fat people pick out and sports bra and a pair of running shorts and go. Well me on the other hand I have to find something comfortable and than hides the “mommy belly”. I have almost come to except the fact that since I delivered a bunch of linebackers that I am never going to have a 6 packs unless it is a 6 pack of beer. Any-who so I have been trying to find the one outfit that is comfortable and flattering, and losing the battle. If one is flattering it rubs in all the wrong places, and if it is comfortable I look frumpy. Yes I know I should be focusing on running, however I am a woman and as much as I usually look like all I have is athletic gear, I still want to look “cute”. (yeah something like that!) Secondly I am worried about how flat the route is going to be, and if I am going to forget that Nashville is an hour behind. Am I going to oversleep? Then there is the question of what do I when it is over. I would like to say I have a million things I want to do and see but I am not really sure where to start! As for the running part I am doing my last big run Sunday morning. This will be the first time I set out to do 13, I need to see how I am pacing myself. Right now up to 8-10 I am averaging 11-12:30 minutes splits, however that is with very little elevation change. I have found myself thinking to myself what the hell have I signed up for. I keep saying you have 4 hours, but then the competitiveness comes out and I have this internal struggle where my competitive side says run fatty run! So pretty much that is all I am a ball of nerves.
A good day to blog
It has been a little over a week since I have posted. Ridgell life has been hectic as we are all in school and now fall soccer has started. We are balancing practices, homework, and work. Also let’s not forget running. The unfortunate thing about running is that it takes time, and naturally the more I run the less time I have to accomplish other tasks. Running however is a necessary “evil” for me. I need the release, and the time with my own thoughts, if not the life of others around me may not be as pleasant :). With this said I have extreme mommy guilt and it is a stress that I have been dealing with for a long as I have been working out. I want to run and I want to spend time with my babies. My quandary is that I want my children to see the importance of persistence, hard work, and physical fitness; however not at the price that they feel they are being neglected by their mom. I try to spend every minute possible with them and make our time special. I hope that I am succeeding in this venture.
I have run just a little over 40 miles the last two weeks with two 10 milers a few 8 milers, and a few scattered 6 and 5 mile runs. The last two runs have been different as I finally received my new shoes, and these shoes are supposed to be the holy grail of shoes and the end all be all to my arch and leg problems. I finally broke down and lost all my vanity and bought the Hoka One One Stinson trails. I was certain prior to actually receiving them that once I wore these shoes that I was destined for the retirement home, as the pictures circulating gave them a orthopedic walker shoe feel. I must say now that I have them in hand they aren’t quite as hideous as I imagined. They are more futuristic and less geriatric than I originally thought. As for the feel they remind me of what my perception of what walking on the moon would be like. They are supportive yet bouncy but not in a negative way. The sole has thicker padding which absorbs the shock so my feet feel amazing after the run. The only negative that can say about them is that my calves are having to adjust to the difference in having to work harder so they burn throughout the first half of the run. Yesterday the burn didn’t last as long so I am assuming once I have conditioned my legs to the shoes the burning will no longer be an issue. One issue down, and on to another one that I have always struggled with. Self body loathing. I have never been a fan of my body, and I can always find a flaw. Did you know that the top of one of my ear lobes folds more than the other? Did you know the gap between my teeth is fairly new as a result of a work injury? The gap seriously reminds me of the Monty Python scene (the killer rabbit one). Did you realize a have a huge scar down my leg? What about the fact that I have a less than flat stomach? I also have broad manly shoulders! I figured I would point out what I dislike about myself because I know most people have a list themselves. When or how do we start learning to embrace these “imperfections”? We must learn to love ourselves which is hard to do and it must be a conscious effort not to let our imperfections control us. The truth is that often out friends and significant others, even our children love us despite what we hate about ourselves. So I guess my point to this is that we all have our ” list” but often times the only person it bothers is ourselves. If you have people in your life that treat you negatively or use your “list” against you then change that, and drop them from your life like a bad habit. Find those you lift you up and point out your awesomeness! We (at least myself) are our own worst enemy, and we all deserve to be surrounded by those people who makes us feel amazing and beautiful. We need to reject those who dull our flame! I often get accused of caring too much or being too tender hearted but the truth is I am genuine. I want people to feel loved and appreciated because I know what it feels like to be on the other side. I may act hard and calculated at times but my heart is always in the right place. Be sure you think about what you say, be empowering in your words and not spiteful. Beyond the physical beauty always make sure your heart is in the right place, because physical beauty fades and nothing is more ugly than bad intentions and a cold heart!
gobiggirlgo 